Identifying Tolerances: The First Step to a Life of Intention
Hello Igniters!
When was the last time you found yourself ignoring or just “dealing with” small inconveniences, unfulfilling routines, or relationships that no longer enrich your life? If those exchanges are putting you below the line this is your sign to reignite your happiness. This week’s question invites you to assess what you’re allowing to drain your time, energy, and over all zest for life.
Insight Igniter coaching question for November 4th, 2024:
"What are you Tolerating?"
I am defining “Tolerations” as the things we accept in our lives that we would prefer not to deal with, often putting us in conflict with our values, belief system and life aspirations. Instead of passively accepting these draining situations, this question helps us examine the quality of our lives and encourages us to reclaim our sense of agency and purpose through embracing a life of authenticity, well-being, and resilience.
A Life of Authenticity
Tolerance is often a compromise on your authenticity. When we accept situations that don’t align with our values or beliefs we are quietly saying “I’ll compromise who I am for the sake of keeping things comfortable.” I recently had a coaching conversation with a client who was feeling disenchanted with the relationship with their leader. They described a pattern of overlooked contributions, mixed messages, and a lack of support “I never know where I stand and feel like I’m always on guard”. As they shared their frustration, I asked, “What are you tolerating?” They realized that they were tolerating inconsistent feedback, vague expectations and uncertainty of the level of trust their leaders had in them. By acknowledging these tolerations, they could see how it was impacting their confidence, sense of purpose, and job satisfaction. From this insight, we discussed how a more proactive approach would result in a more authentic professional relationship.
Enhancing our Well-being
As we face difficult dynamics in friendships and excessive demands at work it is easy to get stuck in the trap of ignoring our own well-being. When we tolerate behaviors from others that make us feel dismissed, we are saying to ourselves that that our feelings didn’t matter as much preserving a peaceful coexistence. Over time, these tolerations can weigh on our self-perception and emotional well-being, leading to a sense of dissatisfaction, ongoing stress, fatigue, or even apathy. Reflecting on the question “What am I tolerating?” can highlight the places in your life where you can be kinder to yourself by understanding your own limits, needs and establishing healthier boundaries.
Building Resilience
Resilience isn’t just about pushing through challenging times; it’s also about having the courage to choose a different path when the current one feels wrong. Answering the question “What am I tolerating?” can empower you to develop solutions, reframe challenges, and let go of what you cannot change. A simple example of this is learning to say “no” more comfortably – developing the understanding that you always have a choice to either accept fully or change your circumstances.
The coaching question “What am I tolerating?” encourages us to reflect honestly and identify specific areas where we are compromising, whether out of habit, fear of conflict, or perceived obligation. I offer you a call to action to conclude this issue of the Insight Igniter. This week, ask yourself:
What am I tolerating that doesn’t align with my values?
In what ways do these tolerations impact my sense of self-worth?
What small step could I take to either release or address one of these tolerations?
Whether in personal or professional contexts, acknowledging and addressing tolerations can lead to transformative personal change as you embrace a life of authenticity, well-being, and resilience.
Until next time – Stay Ignited!
Best,
Stef